Day one of Medifast.

Today is my first day on Medifast and its about 4:00. I was going to wait until the end of the day to blog but I am needing something to keep my mind off this. I am hungry and so tired. The feeling is similar to when I was first pregnant. I am so very tired, hungry, moody and I am peeing like crazy! SO far I have eaten the oatmeal, a strawberry shake and a antioxident dark chocolate shake. Oh, also had a dill pickle spear. The oatmeal was horrible!! I was gagging it down and hated every second of it. I really enjoyed the shakes though. The regular strawberry one seemed to fill me up more than the antioxident one. I am drinking a lot of water like my coach told me to do. I have not had any head aches yet but I am quite light headed. I have not even had 300 calories today yet. I am so excited about my dinner I can not even tell you! I am not sure what I will make though. I might just do some chicken in a skillet or something. Anything other than a Medifast meal. I am sort of eager to try the chili and the sloppy joe meals for tomorrow. I forgot I had to soak them so I will or sure do that tomorrow morning. After dinner I will have an orange shake I think and I will end my night with the brownie. I HAVE to stick through this detox phase. I want to enter into my fat burning stage and I can't wait to feel good. I also can't wait to see the results of this very disaplined diet. It's only 4:00 and I am so ready for bed. I hope tomorrow my hubby lets me sleep while he's home. It would be a miracle if he would let me sleep AND he cleaned the house. Please God give me the strength to make it through this ffat burning mode. I know I can do this for myself, my son, my life, my hubby, my everything!

A new me?

I am jumping in head first and I will admit, I am a bit nervous. I went to therapy today for my food addiction and was told I have PTSD. I knew I had experienced quite a lot as a child but I didn't know it was enough to cause PTSD. My therapist thinks my eating is coming from all of my older feelings. "Feeding the child who is needing comfort and love". I will update more on that every week as I meet with her. I also went back to TOPS today. I was so happy to see all of my TOPS sisters and they welcomed me back with open arms. Talk about an amazing group of women!! I weighed in but I didn't look to see what my weight was. I couldn't bare for them to know that I was aware of how large I had gotten. When I weighed here in my home I was 389.4. I knew I had to do something now to avoid crossing into the forbidden 400 pound world. I have been told that once you cross over the 400 pound mark, life never goes back to normal. I don't even know what it feels like to be normal but I sure would love to know! I also ordered my Medifast meals and they should be here by Thursday. I can not tell you how excited this makes me! I was told basically I either have surgery or I stay fat forever. I refuse to believe those odds. I would die to have my surgery but I can not afford it and my insurance doesn't cover it. What am I supposed to do? Stuff myself until I am able to have surgery? What if that is never, then what? I refuse to sit here on the sidelines and kill myself slowly with food. Medifast comes in Thursday and that is when my life will really begin to change! Going to therapy and TOPS just boosted my motivation to DO THIS! I know I have said this a million times before but I can do this. I can beat this addiction. Food will be fuel, not an obsession. It's food, it's not like something sacred or anything. I don't know why I think it's so important. It's not. In any way, shape, or form is food as important as I have made it.

Okay now that I have rambled on I guess I should tell you about me and what I am doing here. I'm 23, married and have a sweet 3 year old little man. I live for my son but food takes a VERY close second. How sad is that? I have a pretty severe food addiction and I am just now seeking professional help for this. I have been over weight my entire life but in the past 5 years it has just ballooned. Weight Watchers, South Beach, Low Cal, Low Fat, Low Carb and so on. You name it, I've done it. The thing that held me back each and every time I "dieted" was my eating disorder. I now have the help of my wonderful Leah, my theapist and with her help I am going to conquer this. Leah paired up with the very stick Medifast plan and I am destined for greatness. Mondays will be my official weigh in's and I will post that evening what my weight is because that's when my TOPS is. If I actually get some followers who want more information on TOPS or Medifast I will provide more info at that time. I will try and post on here everyday but from now to Thursday my life will be kind of boring so I might just update a bit and then start my Medifast blogging on Thursday when the food arrives. Anyways I'm off to bed for now :)